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Finding someone who shares your kinks and fetishes is not always easy, if you’ve ever struggled to find a submissive or a masochist you know what I mean.

One solution is a good BDSM and fetish dating site, which can help you penetrate deeper into your local kink community.

These sites let you search for people by fetish and role, whether you are a dom looking for your sub, or a rope bunny looking for your rigger, they help you find your kink compatible match fast.

Still, the internet is full of scams. Dodging them through trial and error is risky and exhausting. Are the best sites for BDSM dating really what they claim to be? Let’s investigate.

The Best BDSM Dating Sites

1. Largest BDSM and kink dating site – Alt.com
2. Hardcore BDSM singles and swingers –BDSM.com
3. Best for kinky couples and threesomes – Adult Friend Finder
4. Best for MILF and FILF fetishes – Ashley Madison
5. Best for findoms –Seeking.com
6. Best fetish social networking site –Fetlife
7. Best free BDSM dating site with random classified ads –Reddit BDSM Personals
8. Alternative dating site for BDSM/kink lovers –Fetster
9. Best almost-free BDSM social dating site –Bondage.com
10. The Facebook of fetish sites –Fetish.com
11. Kinky older women seeking younger men – Cougarlife.com

1. Alt.com – Kinkiest BDSM Singles Who Are Natural Fetish Seekers

Pros

• Member profiles w/ stats
• Webcam broadcasting, video chat to see the other parties
• Topical rooms (goth, leather, rubber) that cut out the BS
• Local/regional meetup rooms to establish meetings nearby

Cons

• Fake profiles
• Escorts, thots

Alt.com is an online community with one of the largest groups of men and women into the BDSM, fetish lifestyle. If you are looking to find someone for kinky dating, roleplay, and other fun stuff, this is an excellent place to start. Within minutes of joining, I jumped into the chat rooms and flirted with a lady who shares my love for transparent clothing. Oh man, those were good times.

On alt.com, you can message anyone for online BDSM play. Most people are into that type of stuff. The site has topic rooms for all kinds of kink and fetish interests (rubber, goth, cybersex, etc.). You can also join their local, state, or regional chat groups to meet other real-life members.

Alt.com is free to join. But of course, like most fetish sites, you are charged to get past the communicative barriers. Look around the site and if you like what you see, unlock all the features (unlimited contact, blog/video access, profile visibility) with one of the following membership deals:

• 1 month = $19.95/month (silver) / $29.95/mo (gold)
• 3 months = $11.99/month (silver) / $19.99/mo (gold)
• 12 months = $8.33/month (silver) / $12.50/mo (gold)

On Alt.com, you may find like-minded people that you have never met in real life, not even on social media.

2. BDSM.com – Bunch of Hardcore BDSM Singles in One Community

Pros

• Kinky video chat so you can see your partner
• Community groups, magazine tabs makes the site versatile
• Member hot listings showing who is popular
• US/Europe/Oceania member groups stretching around the globe

Cons

• Possible scammers
• OnlyFans thots

Of all the dating websites created for kinky people, BDSM.com is the most overtly geared toward the whips and leather crowd. The website layout is very similar to Alt.com, with member profiles, topic rooms, and local groups for each state, region, and continent.

When you first arrive, you will see a collage of kinky BDSM lovers in chains, masks and cages. Those tools represent the entire site as a whole. I found that I fit at the moment I joined. You do not have to look for people who share your kinks and fetishes anymore. Register for the free features and then upgrade to the silver or gold membership (same membership plans and rates as alt.com).

3. Adult Friend Finder – Large Hookup Site With a Kinky Community of Swingers

Pros

• 80 million members, which means no shortage of people
• Chat, livestream providing multiple ways to communicate with members
• Community feed like Facebook

Cons

• Past security breaches
• 80% male, allegedly

With more than 80 million members (64m in the US), Adult Friend Finder is the most populated kinky dating site globally. Its members run the gamut in terms of sexual orientation and lifestyle arrangement. You can find straight, gay, and bi; single, swinger, and polyamorous.

AFF is more than just a BDSM dating site; it is an online fetish community where people chat, form kink groups, share videos and post stories. You can share your fantasies and erotica, both real and fictional, on AFF with other members into the same fetishes.

Unlike most fetish dating sites, AFF sports a layout similar to Facebook and other social network platforms. So you can lay low learning their new system because most features should already be familiar to you. You will see a vertical feed of recommended matches complete with like buttons, comment boxes, and status info on your personal homepage. Membership rates are as follows:

• 1 month = $39.95
• 3 months = $26.95/month ($80.85 total)
• 12 months = $19.95/month ($239.95 total)

AFF is one of the most popular swinger sites for polyamorous people. If you and your partner have fantasized about trying group sex or cuckoldry, you might find willing participants here. If you are looking for a bi female for a m/w/w threesome, check the AFF member profiles.

I have had so much fun on AFF that it felt like I was single again.

4. Ashley Madison – Best MILF and FILF Fetish Dating Site for Married BDSMers

Pros

• Kinky chat rooms that differentiate from the rest of them
• Kink-positive environment
• Traveling Man app (destination fetish hookups)
• Credit-based (pay as you go and as you please)

Cons

• 90% male
• Past security issues (2015 breach)

Few dating websites are as notorious as Ashley Madison, the site for adulterous kinky people. Most of its members look for side action because they cannot get what they want at home, such as sex with masks, whips, vinyl, and chains. Imagine being trapped in a vanilla marriage! Shame on yall.

Ashley Madison is easy to use. You scroll down the feed of matches that meet your essential search criteria (gender, age, location) and click on photos of anyone you fancy for more info. Most of these people seek the ride of their lives and are blunt about what they want in a fling.

There is no membership plan for Ashley Madison. To make full use of the site, buy credits at the following prices:

• 100 credits = $59.00 (59 cents per credit)
• 500 credits = $169.00 (34 cents per credit)
• 1,000 credits = $289.00 (29 cents per credit)

Ashley Madison is a libertine hookup and affair website where anything goes sexually. Just practice your utmost discretion here (after all, most of these people don’t want their partners to find out.)

5. Seeking.com – Best for Findom Fetishes

Pros

• Lots of rich guys (for women)
• Can be gamed (ask Bradicus)
• Membership bargains (for sugar babies)

Cons

• Financially risky
• Women seeking money, not sex

Seeking Arrangement (seeking.com) is a dating site where gold diggers find sugar daddies. Rich men, in turn, come here looking for arm candy. To some extent, this site facilitates costliest fetishes, findom, where men get tricked and teased out of their wealth by hot dominatrixes.

The site is free to join, but you will need to pay the premium to unlock conversations, filter your inbox and get your profile in front of more matches. As a sugar daddy, that will cost you the following:

• 30 days = $89.95
• 90 days = $239.85 ($79.95/mo)
• 30 days (Diamond) = $249.95

If you join as a sugar baby, the rates are far lower:

• 30 days = $19.95
• 90 days = $44.85 ($14.95/mo)

Despite its reputation, the people on Seeking Arrangement run the gamut, and most of them do not even resemble tycoons or gold diggers. Still, if you join as a sugar daddy, the lowest-possible net worth you can list is $100k but there is no real verification.

6. Fetlife – Best Fetish Social Networking Site

Pros

• Message walls (new posts, pics) to break the ice with a prospective
• Partner Finder program search for compatible profiles
• Pro-fetish social environment
• Group events to meet new people

Cons

• Pervs, predators
• Thots

As the name implies, Fetlife is a community website of members dedicated to the fetish lifestyle. It sports a micro-blogging layout that shows columns of the latest member posts and pics, where other users can comment.

Fetlife is where kinky people come to socialize with like-minded individuals. We would not call it a dating site per se, but you can find dates and hookups if you invest time and energy into the website. For unrestricted use of the site, consider the following plans:

• 6 months = $30 ($5/month)
• 12 months = $60 ($5/month)
• 24 months = $120 ($5/month)

To find kinky singles on Fetlife, join their Partner Finder group.

7. Reddit BDSM Personals – Best Free BDSM Dating Site with Message Boards

Pros

• 129k members
• Discreet, anonymous, safe
• Anti-spam

Cons

• Trolls, weirdos
• Predominantly male

If you want to explore the fetish community for free, start on Reddit. The r/BDSMpersonals subreddit is easy to use and highly trafficked. Each thread header states the poster’s age, location, and preference (M4W, W4M, W4A, etc.).

To combat spam, they now make you wait four days after joining before you can post. They also prohibit personal links, promotions or any mention of findom.

8. Fetster – Alternative Dating Site for BDSM/kink Lovers

Pros

• Blogs, groups, forums, videos create versatile socializing
• Can create friend lists and hit them up later
• Detailed stats
• No findom

Cons

• Lengthy signup forum
• Lots of pictureless profiles

Fetster is an online dating website and community for people into varying shades of kink. On Fetster, you can post videos, join interest groups, converse in forum threads, post blogs and photos and even make confessions.

The Fetster community is equally about socializing and dating. If you fancy someone, you can PM them and/or add them to your friend’s list (ala Facebook). The site puts you through a lengthy fill-in forum at signup to weed out the fakes.

9. Bondage.com – Best Nearly-Free Centralized BDSM Social Dating Site

Pros

• Local fetish groups
• Content feed (Facebook style)
• Free member features

Cons

• Inactive groups

On Bondage.com, you can post about fetish and kink topics and find other locals with similar interests. They offer multiple fetish groups for each state and city. In my area, Portland and vicinity, they have groups for hotwives, gangbangs, exhibitionists, cucks, and more.

Bondage.com has the format of a social media website with content feeds, comment boxes, and like buttons. The site is free to use, but with a paid membership, you can get more features, such as contacting members and posting videos.

Their Gold and Silver membership rates are the same as on alt.com and BDSM.com. (They’re all run by Magnolia Blossom Inc.)

10. Fetish.com – Classic Fetish Site with Facebook-like Features

Pros

• 600k kinky images
• Text/video chat available
• Member profiles (Facebook style) that are easily accessible
• BDSM dating section

Cons

• Not entirely free
• Prices listed in Euros

Fetish.com is the Facebook of fetish sites. Each user has a profile page with a photo album and a wall of posts, videos, and comments. If you like someone, give them a spank (heart button). They also have the live text and video chat under multiple kink categories.

While not everyone on Fetish.com is looking for dates, you can flirt with anyone. To find dates, click on the BDSM dating link under the Browse pull-down menu. The site is free to use, but you can unlock more features with their VIP or Premium membership (listed in Euros).

11. Cougarlife.com – Kinky Older Women Seeking Younger Men

Pros

• Horny older women
• Age, height, feature filters
• Send flirt (heart), message, gift

Cons

• Bad server (sometimes down)

If you’re a man under 30 and your kink is older women (or if you’re a woman over 35 and your kink is younger men), give cougarlife.com a try. The site offers simple search filters that let you narrow things down by eye color, body type, age range, hair color, location, and more.

A lot of women in the cougar scene are more aggressive than the typical female. As such, women often make the first move on cougarlife.com.

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It’s sometimes tricky to hook up with older or younger singles in real life because they run in different crowds. Sites like Cougar Life make it easier for younger guys to meet MILFs in that prime 35-50 range.

Additional BDSM Sites for Very Specific Types of Fetishes

• Ageplay –http://www.dailydiapers.com/
• Cuckold –https://www.dateacuckold.com
• Crossdresser –https://www.crossdresserdatingsite.com
• Femdom –https://www.ladyboykisses.com/
• Findom –https://www.richmeetbeautiful.com
• Foot –https://footfetishdating.com/
• High heels –https://heelsdating.com/
• MILF –https://www.milfdating.com/
• Pantyhose –https://www.pantyhosefetishlovers.com
• Spanking –https://www.findspankingpartners.com/auth?language=en
• Strapon –https://strapondating.com/

FAQs for Fetish and BDSM Dating Sites

Is it easy to meet someone on these fetish/BDSM sites?

Yes, people are serious about fetishes. Once you join and interact with the members, you can find plenty of people who will chat with you in the forums and groups. Depending on which hours you go online and the size of the fetish community in your area, you might find many people eager to talk at once.

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Even though you can find users who enjoy the same fetishes as you in these online communities, that doesn’t mean they will meet you offline. As with any dating site, the members of fetish dating websites need to feel a sense of trust and familiarity before they’ll meet you in person.

How to avoid scammers on these sites?

Be careful about the people you meet on dating apps, regardless of whether they’re part of the BDSM community. While many great people have met through these communities, dating sites and apps are also frequented by fakes and predators.

Before arranging a meetup with other members on these fetish sites, make sure you verify the person’s identity. Ask questions that only a genuine person would answer, such as his or her place of birth, schools attended, work background, and activities.

One of the safest ways to get to know someone online is through webcam shows. Have a webcam chat before you meet in person. This way, you can study the person’s mannerisms and determine whether it’s someone you’d want to meet in real life.

Sometimes, you’ll chat with someone online, and they’ll seem decent enough for a meetup. However, when you do meet, you’ll know right there that you don’t want to associate with this individual. If you share a webcam chat, you’ll know before you even go through any trouble.

If, for whatever reason, the person you’re speaking with cannot take part in a webcam chat, request another form of factual verification. Ask that person to post a selfie holding his or her screen name upon a piece of paper, preferably with your screen name on it as well.

To ensure that it’s not a photoshopped fake, ask that they make a special gesture, such as a peace sign or a thumbs up.

BDSM Dating In Review

One of the best ways to find people with kinky fetishes is to join an online community. When you enter a kinky website, you are likely to find a judgement-free environment.

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Most of the members on these sites live secretive lives because their friends and family won’t understand. Like you, they’re seeking like-minded people with whom they can open up and be themselves.

To join a fetish website, all you need is an email address. After choosing a username and password, you can use the free features and see how you like the site. To unlock all the features and contact as many people as you want on the website, consider one of the paid membership plans.

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Stuff like Tinder caters to the normies and vanilla types. BDSM dating sites cater to a more upscale crowd of people with kinks. Someone could be nearby right now waiting to meet someone with the same kinks as you. Happy hunting!